A Victim Of My Own Emotions

June 26, 2012 at 2:30 PM

“I’m going to try to lose 10 pounds”

Wouldn’t it be cool to be able to say, “I’m going to lose 10 pounds,” and know that you will do it. No “try,” no self-doubt, that once the decision is made, it’s a done deal, it’s in the bank. 

What happens when you fail so many times trying to do something that your own words no longer mean anything? Others don’t take you seriously—you don’t even take yourself seriously. That’s a bad place to be. I have been there. 

The weighty 10 pound question is, how can I desire to do something so badly in one moment, and then in different moment, find myself doing the very opposite? Well, here’s a very personal example that may shed some light. 

Off and on, over my adult life, I have had a rocky relationship with alcohol, and I come by it honestly. Most people would see my drinking as moderate, but because of fasting and diet, I'm very sensitive to any drug. (I can get a nice buzz off an Advil.) My two glasses of wine would be someone else’s five. Also, the bar is high, because two glasses of wine will have a measurable effect on my workouts the next day. 

So here’s how it works. It’s a Friday night, and the next day I’ve planned to do a 35 mile bike ride on a rugged trail. It will take around 4 hours of hard cycling, and it’s going to be a challenge. So the Friday morning I decide on one small glass of wine after work, that’s it! I even write the decision in my journal. Friday night comes and I drink my one small glass of wine. It goes down easy, relaxing emotions, tensions and, yes, inhibitions. (in-hi-bi-tion Meaning: Conscious or unconscious restraint of a behavioral process, a desire, or an impulse.) My now uninhibited emotional state goes to work on my thinking. 

“I’m too hard in myself. I need to be more balanced.  You cannot live you whole life by goals and rules.” It makes complete sense at the time. 

You know what comes next. There I am pouring myself a much larger glass of wine. That would be fine if I woke up the next day saying to myself, “great choice Ron,” feeling a positive emotional benefit from last night’s relaxation of goals and rules. But that’s not what happens. I’m disappointed, foggy-minded, unmotivated, and the idea of jumping on a bike and riding 35 miles down a bumpy trail seems ridiculous! But disciplined guy that I am, I do it anyway. 

The crazy thing is this little scene has played itself out so many times that I know the ending off by heart. So you would think that would help with the night before, and sometimes it does, but often it does not. 

Like alcohol, food can also have an intoxicating, un-inhibiting effect, especially junk food that is laced with salt, fat and sugar. One handful of chips can easily lead to ten. 

My next blog I’m going to talk about practical things I do that help me not be a victim of my own emotions. For a related article read: Before Deciding Count The Cost

 

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Canada Tanya Desjardins says:

Love & respect yourself... others will follow your example!

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