I Don’t Feel Like Fasting This Weekend

June 29, 2013 at 8:27 AM

Yesterday was the beginning of the long weekend, I was packed and an hour up the road to visit a friend, anticipating some much needed R and R after weeks of working overtime, when the call to fast came. And not just fast, but solitude, prayer alone in my apartment with internet and cell phone turned off. I pulled the car over and sat there debating if I should turn the car around. I had been planning this getaway for weeks. Hot tub, nights on the beach under stars, walks and long conversations, some red wine and dinners out. I did not want to fast this weekend. The idea of turning around and heading back to an empty apartment was depressing. But I have learned something about this feeling over the last twenty years of practising fasting. When the call is this clear, and the resistance is this strong, there usually awaits an important breakthrough. 

I am writing this on the morning of the first day. I have yet to enter into the fasting state. I’m going to be honest with you because I think this will help some of you who may be feeling the same way about fasting. The believer in me has some anticipation, but the rest of me feels lonely and slightly depressed. I look out my balcony and see the steady stream of cars going by on the highway. It’s the first weekend school kids are out; there are lots of cars with canoes on top, or towing trailers. Families who are heading out to the cottage, getting together with friends, and here I am alone and isolated for the whole weekend. What I remind myself is I am not alone. Not really. Not to sound cliché, but the Spirit of God is here in this place awaiting my spirit to reawake to His presence. 

But right now I feel no Spirit, no comforter or companion. And here’s my point. I have been riding the busy train for months now, and instinctively I knew that once I slowed the train down enough to get off, there will be this feeling I have right now. I knew that last night when I turned my car away from a weekend of companionship with friends to an empty apartment, I will have to go through the crucible of these feelings and face the reality of how far I have drifted from closeness to God. 

It’s so easy to become spiritually numb. So easy to allow a relationship to grow cold. All you have to do is stay busy, to live by To-Do lists. All you have to do is do nothing.

 For me though, there are clear, tangible signs of that slow, spiritual slide. First, my writing wanes. You can see it on this blog. You can be sure that if I have not posted anything for weeks, I have climbed back on the busy train, and am not taking the time to maintain closeness to God. Even my desire to write fades. The thought of writing becomes oppressive.  The longer I go the more oppressive it becomes, because there is guilt and shame. I’m not suggesting that the guilt or shame is coming from God, I put it on myself. And also, I believe it’s demonic. We make a huge mistake thinking that those negative feelings we get when thinking about returning to closeness to God, is coming from Him. His arms are open. But there is spiritual warfare. The one thing that scares Satan poopless, is our being/remaining intimate with God. Christians that are full of shame and guilt at even the thought of drawing close to the Spirit will never represent a threat. 

So here I am. God’s arms are open. Even now, only after a few hours with bible, prayer and my morning cantaloupe, my value systems are shifting. I feel a slumbering spirit stir and with it, the awaking desire to write.

Posted in: Fasting

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Comments (7) -

Praying for you now as I read this. May you encounter the living God in a renewed way.
Thanks for this reminder. Your obedience will produce joy.

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Thank you for that! I recently did a 7 day fast for the first time and wow what a healing on all levels.

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Canada carol greensmith says:

God has answered my prayer for you! In obedience there is freedom you found it and for that I am truly grateful to God and burst with love for Him because of you. Thank you Holy Spirit for holding strong to the pull of the world on Ron because that was so difficult to let go of, especially someone who is alone. well done you too Ron for surrendering love you
Hugs
carol

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Thanks for your writings Ron, which are a blessing to so many of us. I so identify with the statement: "The believer in me has some anticipation, but the rest of me feels lonely and slightly depressed" I find fasting really hard to do, but the benefits are great.

The blessings awaiting you are beyond what you can imagine. I trust that you will have your weekend away soon as well ;)

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Thanks Ron for sharing. Tried my first fast last Sunday. Plan for more.

Blessings in your time with God. May you gain strength and wisdom.

Syd

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United States Chrysalis says:

Just remember, when you don't feel like writing, there are people out there who NEED your words right now. Not one word is wasted!

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United States Tanya Bonnette says:

Thank you so much for the honesty. And for your time. I am always encouraged by your writings. For yrs now. God richly bless and keep you

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