Facing Emptiness While Fasting

April 4, 2015 at 11:23 AM

While writing this I am deep into a 4 day Easter fast and I’m forcing myself to be alone with no escapes. No TV, no talking on the phone, no surfing the web. I’m allowing myself to read, and of course prayer and meditation. I will go for walks in secluded places. That’s it. The first day was great. I went for a walk along Lake Ontario by my apartment, through a bird sanctuary and I felt an unusual connection to the natural world around me. That always makes me feel close to God.

But today was different. I woke feeling pretty good about a day filled with being alone and silent. But as the day progressed, I had this growing feeling of emptiness. I hate that feeling more than just about any other. I cut back on my juice intake and my energy really dropped. I lay on my sofa and tried to read a book my mom gave me called, A Million Miles In A Thousand Years, and again it just felt empty so I stopped.

Then I pick up the bible and start to read. It’s nuts! Rich waves of meaningfulness hit me. In fact I could barely stand it and I have to put the bible down and stare off into space and think. And chew.

When Jesus said, “I have food you do not know of,” I get it. I can actually feel less hungry when I read the bible. In fact, there has been many fasts saved or lost because of the decision of whether or not I would drop to my knees or pick up my bible.

I used to judge the disciples as being so dumb at times. I mean they had Jesus right there in front of them. But I can be just as dumb, because there He is, right there in front of me. This time I listened. That feeling of emptiness is not always a bad thing.

Posted in: Fasting

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