Go Where The Most Emotional Resistance Is

May 18, 2015 at 11:50 AM


I got this title the other night while lying in bed thinking about how routine and forgettable my day was.  I realized while lying there looking up at stucco, that all my most memorial times—days that will never be forgotten—was when I decided to do something even though it scared the heck out of me.

 About ten years ago, I stayed up late and watched this movie called The Blare Witch Project. I shouldn’t have but I did.  The movie ended at midnight and I was deeply affected. I worried that maybe I was so affected that I would never be able to tent alone in the forest again. That was unacceptable. So while the movie’s screams where still fresh in my ears, I ventured out to a path that ran through a forest outside my town, and walked and walked until there was pitch darkness. I sat down on the dirt in the middle of the forest. After a few minutes of sitting there, I started yelling at the devil, “here I am!!” And then I waited in darkness and silence. Nothing happened other than a few coyote’s distant yelps responding to my shouting.

I walked home that night a little stronger. A lot of life has happened over the last ten years, but I will never forget that night. In fact over the years only a few memories remain and they all have one thing in common. Doing something outside the emotional constraints of fear.

I wonder if most of our days are so easily forgotten because they are played out half-alive, half-aware, half risks or no risks at all. I do what feels good because what feels good feels right. But if I’m reading my bible correct, often what feels right is wrong. That sucks but it’s true.

For me, I want to be fully alive. I want every day to count for something. Ten years from today, I do not want this day to fade into gray like every other. Avoiding emotional pain is allowing your past to control your present, and it’s the present that sets the stage for your future. It’s the perfect recipe for a lifetime rut. That scares the heck out of me way more the any horror movie ever could.  

I wonder where I would be if I didn’t venture out into the darkness that night? I was warm, comfortable and I wanted to go to bed.  But instead I put on my shoes and walked out into the cold darkness. I wonder what would have happened if I just went to bed? Maybe a fear of being alone in wilderness would have taken root. That would have been a tragedy because some of my closest times with God have been alone in wilderness. My deepest fears are always rooted in some past, undealt-with experience, even if I cannot remember when that experience happened. But when I go against the whispers of fear and do something that feels wrong, they are the moments I remember the clearest. A thousand days forgotten, but those moments when I decided to go where the most emotional resistance. In the end, that will be the only story I will remember. 

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Comments (1) -

United States Abigail says:

So challenging but true! Mannnn why can't life b easier but it's a battle always has been always will b! Thank God for those moments of calm and rest that come every so often in nature or with loved ones it helps us get thru the battle that we must face head on.  It's not easy but that's where the blessing lies. Thank u for ur honesty and straightforwardness !!! U r a blessing to me an so many! Thank u for ur faithfulness!!!!


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