It was around 7 pm and I was deep into the fasting and detox state. I knew that if didn’t turn the TV off and get into some real food, like the bible, I was going to fail. I felt weak and emotionally stretched. The image of me reclining in my Lazyboy and watching mindless TV was the only thing that kept me going through my working day. Once I got home, TV just made me feel weaker. It had the same affect as being nourished on Styrofoam.
I turned off the TV and stared at the blank screen. I do a lot more staring when fasting. I don’t think that’s bad. It’s like waiting for something to happen, and the bible talks a lot about waiting. I felt zero motivation to find my bible, get my jammies on, curl up on my sofa, and go to war. That’s how reading the bible has always begun for me—war. It’s a sad reality. The good food is there, but I have to battle a legion of demons to get to it.
I found my bible, grabbed my laptop (just in case of a revelation,) and opened. I was going to start reading one of the gospels, but my bible fell open to this: “Was it really for me that you fasted?” Zechariah 6:5. I was stunned. My agnostic said, coincidence. My faith said God! Faith won. First battle in the bible war.
I read the context then closed my bible and took a hard look at my motive for fasting. “The purpose of this fast is to regain self control and connect with God in a deeper way.” Sounds good right? I looked harder. When God said, “was it really for me,” the answer was becoming clear. No. I want to gain self control so I can look pretty. That’s vanity. I want to connect with God because it feels good and I write better. So basically I am fasting to look good and feel good. Wow.
I sat on my sofa crying real tears. I thought, I wonder if God get’s hurt or lonely? When you read Zechariah it’s clear He gets jealous. And jealousy comes from hurt. This relationship I have with God is a love relationship. In fact, all over scripture it’s compared to marriage. Fasting is about relationship not looking good and feeling good.
I have wondered why fasting was easier 25 years ago than it is today. The answer is 25 years ago it was all about love. My love for God. Now that I’m in my fifties I think about detoxification and anti-aging while fasting. Both are nice, but like grass will turn to dust. But a deep loving relationship with God, that’s eternal. That’s forever. And that’s sustaining to a soul that was created for eternity.
For more about fasting motives read: Motive Is Everything