The Grief of Ending My Fast

April 24, 2016 at 1:50 PM

After 16 days of fasting, in one hour I will end my fast and enter back into the land of eating. Normally this is an exciting time of anticipation. I think about how delicious the food will taste. Not today. Today I knelt and prayed, and for no reason I can explain, started to cry. Between great sobs I kept repeating, “I do not want to go back,” over and over, “please Lord I do not want to go back.”

The love I have felt with God during this fast has been so deep and personal, but it didn’t flower until the very end of my fast. Most of the fast was wrestling and warfare, dethroning a flesh that had gained too much control over my living. Fighting against demons that helped put my flesh on the thrown in the first place. Grieving over bad choices and lazy living. Then finally, over these last few days, resting in a renewed closeness to my Father who I forgot how much I love. “Please Lord I do not want to go back.”

I actually feel acute fear of breaking the fast. I am afraid of my greatest enemy, which is not Satan, it’s me. I know my weaknesses all too well. I love movement. I get addicted to business and productively. I love the feeling of accomplishment. The shift will be very slow. Slowly my workouts, cycling, running, job promotions, beer with friends, keeping a spotless home, watching my favorite TV shows, keeping up with American politics, lust and pride, will displace maintaining my connection with God. When that happens there will be a growing emptiness. With out even knowing it, I will start to feed that emptiness with the wrong things. My diet will slip. I will turn to beer at night instead of the hard work of wrestling and warfare. I know myself. “Please Lord I do not want to go back.”

I can tell my body is clean. I feel it in every fiber. I feel light on my feet, clear minded. My eye sight has improved. I feel a calm. The thought of polluting my body right now is abhorrent to me. I feel clean in my spirit. My relationship with God feels fresh. The blood of Jesus is real to me, not some distant concept. The thought of polluting my spirit is also abhorrent to me. The dull mind, lost discernment, self-lies, the excuses, doublemindedness, the shift of purpose. “Jesus, I do not want to go back to all of that. Oh please Lord, please.”

Posted in: Fasting


Comments (4) -

The Lord always hears our cries. Reaching out and surrounding ourselves with strong pillars to help support us is valuable. It’s like when Moses held his hand up in battle the Israelites prevailed, and when he let down his hand the enemy prevailed. His hands became heavy and he had two people that came to support his hands, one on one side and another on the other side. The enemy was defeated. Hallelujah! Accountability is huge! Blessings! Maria


United States Juliana Maronilla says:

Pray that your focus now would be on people. That would help you keep in touch with God.


I always feel the closeness of THE FATHER'S LOVE when I'm in His Perfect will & crucifying the flesh. Amen. Beautifully written.


Then maybe dont go back, if you feel well and you dont want to.

People go for 3-4 weeks. There are also these, who dont go back to eating at all ( breatharians )...


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